Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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