Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
