First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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