God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
