i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
