Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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