I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize