i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
