you have to choose: penises or morals?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
