sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize