He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
