i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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