No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
