Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
