The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
