I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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