And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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