Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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