We tried having a conversation with our noses.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
