You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think my vagina is haunted
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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