how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
