They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
