I just cut my nipple shaving
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
