i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
