How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
