The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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