Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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