She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
