Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
