Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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