dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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