Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
