hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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