i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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