apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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