that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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