he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
