i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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