sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Randomize
