am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize