Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
