i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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