They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize