In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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