You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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