I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
