Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
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Do I have a choice?
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As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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