I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
why do cheetos always look like penises
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
