tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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