my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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