I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
