So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
