he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
