She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
