I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
