good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
