You really coming over, don't trick.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
