You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
