This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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