I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize