i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize