You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
