Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
