I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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